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Goblin MimeMarca: Magic: The GatheringGoblin Mime {1}{R} Creature — Goblin Mime When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime. Pretending to be inside an invisible box was easy enough for Brug. It was finding the invisible door that caused him problems. 2/2 Illustrated by Franz Vohwinkel
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Frazzled EditorMarca: Magic: The GatheringFrazzled Editor {1}{R} Creature — Human Bureaucrat Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.) The pen is mightier than the sword. 2/2 Illustrated by Jim Pavelec
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Face to FaceMarca: Magic: The GatheringFace to Face {1}{R} Sorcery You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player. Befuddled by this new game, Argg longed for the days of Rock, Rock, Rock. Illustrated...
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Dumb AssMarca: Magic: The GatheringDumb Ass {2}{R} Creature — Donkey Barbarian At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn. Envying the intelligence of goblins is a bad place to be. 3½/2 Illustrated by...
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Deal DamageMarca: Magic: The GatheringDeal Damage {2}{R}{R} Instant Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target. Gotcha — If an opponent says “deal” or “damage,” you may say “Gotcha” When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand. Until he got singed … Illustrated by...
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Curse of the Fire PenguinMarca: Magic: The GatheringCurse of the Fire Penguin {4}{R}{R} Enchantment — Aura Enchant creature Curse of the Fire Penguin consumes and confuses enchanted creature. Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature Creature — Penguin Trample When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield....
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Blast from the PastMarca: Magic: The GatheringBlast from the Past {2}{R} Instant Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R} Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token. Illustrated by Douglas Shuler (misprinted)
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AssquatchMarca: Magic: The GatheringAssquatch {4}{R} Creature — Donkey Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½. Whenever another Donkey enters the battlefield, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn. Who wants to see a picture of a...
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Zzzyxas's AbyssMarca: Magic: The GatheringZzzyxas's Abyss {1}{B}{B} Enchantment At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents. Tired of always being picked last, the wizard Zzzyxas created the ultimate revenge. Illustrated by Pete Venters
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Zombie FanboyMarca: Magic: The GatheringZombie Fanboy {2}{B} Creature — Zombie Gamer As Zombie Fanboy enters the battlefield, choose an artist. Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy. The real advantage of being a zombie...
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Working StiffMarca: Magic: The GatheringWorking Stiff {1}{B} Creature — Mummy As Working Stiff enters the battlefield, straighten your arms. When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff. Oh, does your nose itch? 2/2
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When Fluffy Bunnies AttackMarca: Magic: The GatheringWhen Fluffy Bunnies Attack {3}{B} Instant Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature’s name. “Get it? Bunnies, letters, -X/-X? Me neither.” —Bucky, flavor text writer Illustrated by...
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Wet Willie of the DamnedMarca: Magic: The GatheringWet Willie of the Damned {2}{B}{B} Sorcery Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life. Ever the warrior, Glissa responded with a “wedgie from beyond Uranus.” Illustrated by Greg Staples
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Vile BileMarca: Magic: The GatheringVile Bile {1}{B} Creature — Ooze Whenever a player’s skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life. 2½/2½ Illustrated by Tony Szczudlo
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Tainted MonkeyMarca: Magic: The GatheringTainted Monkey {1}{B} Creature — Monkey {T}: Choose a word. Target player puts the top card of their library into their graveyard. If that card has the chosen word in its text box, that player loses 3 life. “C'mon, choose ‘monkey.’ Everybody loves monkeys”...
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Stop ThatMarca: Magic: The GatheringStop That {B} Instant Target player discards a card. Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say “Gotcha” When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand. Now for a squirt of lemon juice....
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Phyrexian LibrarianMarca: Magic: The GatheringPhyrexian Librarian {3}{B} Creature — Horror Flying, trample At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body. When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian. 3/3 Illustrated by Kev...
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Persecute ArtistMarca: Magic: The GatheringPersecute Artist {1}{B}{B} Sorcery Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist. The torches and pitchforks were no match for Rebecca’s fans. Illustrated by Rebecca “Don't Mess with Me”...
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Necro-ImpotenceMarca: Magic: The GatheringNecro-Impotence {B}{B}{B} Enchantment Skip your untap step. At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents. Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the...
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Mother of GoonsMarca: Magic: The GatheringMother of Goons {2}{B} Creature — Human Cleric Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature. “Word to me.” 3/2 Illustrated by Darrell Riche
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